Tags
china, Chinese Sexual Attitudes, Fake Hymen, Reconstructive Surgery, Sex in China, Syphilis, Virgin, Virginity in China
One of the more curious aspects of Chinese sexuality from a Western perspective is the importance that society places on virginity prior to marriage. Many young Chinese guys will proudly assert their own virginity well into their late 20’s and even their 30’s. Women in China have been traditionally under tremendous pressure to go to their wedding bed untouched by another.
In fact the demand for virgin brides is so strong that there is a booming industry in fake hymens and for the rich there’s also hymen reconstructive surgery. Fake hymens are cheap, and come in two guises – ridiculously cheap Chinese products, which are generally considered to be dangerous and unhygienic but at 100-300 RMB each they allow poorer girls the opportunity to “fake it” for their partners. Sadly the locally made variations have been known to cause infections and even permanent damage to the unfortunate user. They are also reputed to look realistic but to smell like a chemical works.
The recommended low budget option for fake hymens are Japanese products which start at 500 RMB but are considered to be much safer all round. The forgery is also much less likely to be detected by the partner given that there’s supposed to be an added realism to the whole post-coital mess.
Hymen reconstructive surgery on the other hand is likely to provide a truly authentic experience for the over-demanding male, but it does cost $25,000 USD in China so it’s an option that’s not open to all. In fact this ludicrous operation would cost the average Chinese worker 10 years salary!
The demand for virgins is so high that there’s a roaring underground trade for girls willing to surrender their virginity for cash – or as in one well reported case this year for an iPad. (Note: This is definitely a better deal for girls than guys, as one young man here sold a kidney for an iPad this year. Please do not try this at home.)
Despite all this, the times they are a changing. In a recent survey of city dwelling Chinese nearly 60% of unmarried men and women admitted they’d had pre-marital sex and 75% of Chinese thought that an active sex life was essential to mental and physical wellbeing. I’m not entirely convinced by these figures given my own experience with Chinese people and it is possible that they are lying to those conducting these surveys. (Interestingly this phenomenon of lying to social researchers is not new, Margaret Meade the famous social researcher released a text based on interviewing Samoans about their sexual habits and drew some outrageous conclusions which were accepted as fact for a long time. When somebody went to Samoa to recreate this research they discovered that the locals had been so embarrassed by her intrusion into their sex lives – they’d just made up what they thought she’d wanted to hear.)
I am however prepared to believe that in Tier 1 cities where there is a stronger Western influence that sexual morality is slowly changing and that some (though by no means all) younger Chinese are placing less importance on virginity.
What is true is that in a culture where virginity is so highly prized, foreign men (in particular) find it rather shocking as to how easy it is to persuade someone to surrender their virginity. In traditional Chinese relationships, girls don’t date a lot of boys before they get married. In fact often they date only one guy and marry him. So while a Chinese girl generally won’t put out on a first date, it is quite normal for her to offer up the goods on a second. That’s because she associates sex with commitment, and she’s looking to “seal the deal” for marriage by offering up her most prized possession. Sadly many foreigners don’t understand this, and it has led to many a foreign guy thinking that he’s an amazing individual blessed with studly powers.
The really foolish foreign guy then goes bragging about his exploits. This can either lead to an enormous kicking by outraged and offended locals – which happens more often than most people know, or in the case of one Shanghai blogger in can result in a city wide witch hunt demanding your immediate expulsion from China.
As with all things in China, nothing about the demand for virginity is particularly clear to an outsider but it should certainly be respected if nothing more. I like to think it should be encouraged as well particularly given that China now leads the world in one area of sex that the rest of us don’t want to match – antibiotic resistant syphilis.
beaufortninja said:
Many Chinese men I’ve met here have told me that their wives used sex to corner them into getting married. Once the woman gives them her virginity then they feel as if they then have to marry them. Yikes.
shardsofchina said:
A cunning and dastardly plan indeed – it shows that it’s not just outsiders who should respect virginity I guess. 🙂
Great observation, thanks for sharing.
Thirdeyemom said:
Wow this is shocking to me. I knew many other countries are like this but it surprises me about China as I don’t view it as for religious reasons. What is the reasoning behind virginity then? I am shocked to hear about buying a fake hymen! Great post and I will definitely retweet it.
shardsofchina said:
Confucianism doesn’t really spend much time on sex, apart from to view it as a bit of a waste of time outside of procreation. So I think it falls back to the old stand by of ego – the bragging rights of being first. Sad but true.
Thirdeyemom said:
Wild post. I am a bit surprised as most countries that view virginity as sacred are more religious. In China what is heading reasoning behind keeping virginity? The sale of new fake hymens is twisted! I am shocked by this.
ToddThornback said:
I am shocked by this too. I did notice the more liberal approach to sex in the major cities but it was still rare to see any displays of affection in public. I did not know about the virginity desire, China continues to fascinate.
shardsofchina said:
I know several adults in their late 20’s here who are proud to be virgins. And I don’t disbelieve them.
I also know some younger people (in their early 20’s) who are clearly sexually active (love bites are a dead give away here – women seem to really enjoy marking their men), but who are absolutely unwilling to admit to that.
It’s a strange place China and I think the more you dig, the stranger it gets. 🙂
susielindau said:
This is such a great article. It really shows the juxtaposition of modern vs. traditional and the repercussions. Beware is right!
shardsofchina said:
Thanks for stopping by to comment Susie, it’s much appreciated. 🙂
bwbears said:
Virginity is considered a virtue in Chinese culture, as from the literal meaning of related words such as 貞節 (virginity-moral integrity) and 貞操(virginity-moral value). Promiscuity and premarital sex were considered immoral in the not so old days. Chinese young adults tend to live with their parents till marriage and it is considered untraditional to separate from your parents and share an apartment/home with your partner before marriage. And after marriage, a fair number of Chinese still live together with their parents, too. Thus the concept of “big family” (大家庭). Also, the traditional belief of one having an extra-marital affair was punishable by death – 浸豬籠 (death by drowning inside a pig cage under water) – and this has been illustrated in popular movies and TV series.
But the culture has changed much in recent times, with premarital sex becoming acceptable and promiscuity becoming more common, and young adults do not live with their parents if they prefer it and can afford it. There is quite a number of differences between traditional Chinese and Western cultures on family values, virginity, premarital sex etc.
shardsofchina said:
Thank you for the comprehensive reply. 🙂 And for adding a lot to the topic too – really interesting info, superb.
The Urge to Wander said:
Apart from the fake hymen bit (hadn’t heard of that before!) it is more or less the same in smaller Indian cities as well! But changing rapidly in the race towards globalization!
shardsofchina said:
I think it’s true in a lot of developing nations – the difference I think (as other commentors have pointed out) is that China is a non-religious nation, and it makes it a bit surprising. I think sexual attitudes in China are going to change dramatically over a generation, though sadly I won’t be buying the soundtrack to their summer of love unless the music scene matures as rapidly as the sexual side…
Thanks for stopping by to comment on this. 🙂
yannahthewanderer said:
Yeah, just like the other posts, I was surprised! Since here in the Philippines, we are also like that–we are of the more conservative side due to our religious beliefs.. But I didn’t know that China is also like this, knowing the diverse religions that they have…
Augis said:
I can tell you that in Israel hymen reconstructive surgery is quite popular among Arab population (because they often require chastity from brides).
I happened to talk with the medical personnel about it and they told me that not only women are coming in a very secretive way, but also for the sake of their privacy in the “illness history” it is never mentioned that they were in gynecological department and they have a special official procedure to “fake” the medical records so that husbands never discover the truth 🙂
shardsofchina said:
I can believe it, having lived among arab peoples before – these women could lose their lives over something, which to an outsider might seem trivial.
Thanks for the comparison, really useful. 🙂
C. said:
“I’m not entirely convinced by these figures given my own experience with Chinese people and it is possible that they are lying to those conducting these surveys.”
This is slightly off-topic, but there’s an entire sub-area of research dedicated to this. The best example is when a team interviews the subjects and then subject them to a lie detector test. Lie detector tests do have their flaws, but when someone changes their answer and the test concurs, the second answer’s probably right.
In the Middle East, women are more honest with white female researchers than with women of ME descent when it comes to certain sensitive topics (i.e., sex). They’re less honest in other situations (i.e., religious views). I can’t remember what the work in China’s like, but IIRC, it’s along the same lines.
shardsofchina said:
Hey, thank you for commenting. Cool stuff, I’ll try and root out this research – I think it would be interesting to go through. Cheers, Nick. 🙂
Mitch Davis said:
Yes, girls in China will put out relatively easy. It’s up to the Western guy to understand that what he’s essentially doing is making a down-payment on a marriage.
shardsofchina said:
Absolutely Mitch – Thanks for dropping by to comment. 🙂
OTTOAU said:
We just want to fu*k, why do we have to get married?
amek said:
I am sure many of people can keep and defent of her virginty as a secret girl although in fact deverse so may be the blessing of god to her….
Heather Cai said:
And even now at some massage partlors, one of the ways they keep running their business is faking the young girl’s virginity.