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Tonight I’m going to answer all those questions that somebody has asked Google or another search engine and then landed on my site – only to leave disappointed when those answers weren’t forthcoming.

So the rest of this post is in a Q & A format – please remember that someone asked each of these questions of a search engine…

Beautiful but deadly - look but don't kiss. (It means more for the rest of us) 🙂

Question: Do Chinese women like kissing?

Answer: Actually the answer to this is no, Chinese women secrete a deadly toxin through their lips and find it embarrassing to leave the corpses of boyfriends lying around on the streets. It is only after marriage that this poison leaves their blood stream and it can only be assuaged by lavishing large amounts of money on them.

Question: What causes lots of ear wax?

Answer: We’re not medical professionals here but we think the right answer is; “placing lit candles in your ears”.

Question: What does a Chinese girl’s parents expectations for her?

Answer: We’ll assume you meant; “expect” and you’ll be astonished to find out the answer is not in the mirror of your bathroom – have a look, you’ll know what we mean.

Here's Marco Polo who spent quite a bit of time in China. Bill Bryson said he was a notorious liar - so you might not want your children reading about him after all.

Question: Does Switzerland support China’s one-child policy?

Answer: Yes because Switzerland sells thousands of cuckoo-condoms to China, which as soon as you whip one out the young lady involved takes one look and says; “You’re never putting that thing inside of me again.”

Question: Where can I buy a Marco Polo book for kids?

Answer: Is it facetious to suggest a book store?

Question: How much is a tiger worth?

Answer: It depends on whether you’re in the cage with it or not.

Better than a Valentine's Card in China, but not quite as good as a Porsche.

Question: How to write “I love you” in Chinese.

Answer: We’ve found it’s best expressed in 100 RMB notes.

Question: How to [have] girl sex without clothes?

Answer: Actually we’ve got a question here – how do you do it with clothes?

Question: What is Chinese sexual positioning?

Answer: Pay first, sex later.